Cheating at Meaning

I read something recently which made me wonder at my own motivations for investigating what I have named the numinous relationship experience. I do believe in my relationship with my wife I am experiencing something as meaningful and numinous, but it is a very valid question to ask if am I trying to force more 'divine experience' by my investigation, if I am attempting to gain more meaning by cheating, cheating on some experiential aspect that is necessary and required for obtaining worth (e.g. spiritual knowledge, spiritual wisdom) while living here on earth.

If investigating the numinous relationship experience in order to qualitatively improve the relationship, improve its innate meaning and significance, is all well and good, I thus start looking for the line in the sand. I wonder at what point is the investigation is trying to 'beat' the meaning game, trying to cheat the biological meaning matrix (for instance taking drugs to 'enhance' the spiritual journey is not my thing), trying to take a shortcut across the material genetic 'code', across sociological terms and rules, even across the nature of human reality, to somehow - win 'illicit' meaning.

The concept of rising above past and beyond the human competition and strivance for meaning in life bespeaks an attempt to skip out on or skip over the bounds and limitations of my corporeal existence - I am wary of the idea of becoming a 'little enlightened god' (through my numinous relationship experience or otherwise) while here on earth.

I do not think I am attempting to force a divine experience; I think I am naming what I experience, i.e. that there is something 'divine' about this relationship experience. I do not claim I am enlightened by the experience; I don't even think I am (re)naming or (re)labeling the experience as 'divine' merely in order to feel more spiritually enlightened, that would be 'empty' meaning.

When I previously asked (also here) how many numinous nodes of human experience could there be, it wasn't because I am trying to catalogue their exact placement and nature in the hopes of revealing some secret hidden knowledge about the meaning of human existence (I honestly don't think there is any such secret hidden knowledge), i.e. cheating on living through the engendering experience aspect of the process of gaining meaning.

Yet I do wonder if I understand everything I can from what I have already experienced, so what I am trying to do is understand the nature of the process by which we experience meaning. Where meaning happens in our lives may indicate the condition under which it happens, the conditions then might more directly sought in order to receive (i.e. not force) as much meaning as would come an individual's way. I want to gain as much understanding as I can from what I do experience, and so I differentiate as much as I can by mentally interpreting and reflecting upon what I experience emotionally, volitionally and spiritually.