Like a garden hose (flr dynamic) with a nozzle (woman's control) under water pressure (man's passion), it is true there is tension - the force of water (man's passion) pushes against, and is constrained by, the hose (e.g. the rules she makes). Yet there is also amazing harmony, at the nozzle point, where one might think all the 'really cool action' happens, but just as there can be variations in the woman's control (nozzle), so too can there be variations in the man's passion (water pressure). And while clearly the tightest metaphoric nozzle control and the highest metaphoric water pressure have some desirable experiences, I think other possible combinations can meaningfully illustrate more accurately some real life relationship interactions (e.g. when the hose 'springs a leak' ).
I personally think I experience this harmony, this 'playful flow', as something spiritual, something numinous and powerful. I have to resort to ideas of divinity, of fate and destiny, to the idea of soul mates and souls mating, to adequately express it.
March 3, 2010
Meaning Part 1: Play, Flow, Focus and Awareness
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players… ~Shakespeare
Not that you won or lost – but how you played the Game. ~Grantland Rice
Life's a game. ~Common saying
I've already discussed how no one likes to feel as if they are playing a role in a relationship, but if life's a game in which we play for the high stakes of meaning and significance, then we're all playing a kind of 'role' already. It might then be more accurate to say we just don't like conscious awareness of playing a role in a relationship, because taking two roles on at once easily results in tension, stress, anxiety, conflicts of interest and other assorted dissonance. And if our 'primary role' is about life meaning and purpose, while the 'relationship role' is about relationship meaning and purpose, surely our primary role will have precedence as a matter of course, but the harmony of these two creates a happiness unparalleled in the game of life.
As a metaphor, as a symbol for incorporated conscious experience, the idea of life being a game reminds me of the ancient Greek concept of happiness as eudaimonia, 'living well' or 'being equal to the task', of Friedrich Schiller's idea of 'play' and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's concept of 'flow', but with the added variables of meaning, focus and awareness of experience.
'Flow', that moment of 'optimal experience', is probably most recognizable as a moment of complete focus on doing something; athletes experience it in sports, but so do chess players, artists, martial artists and musicians. Flow is being wholly 'in the moment', 'being on the ball', 'in the zone', 'in the groove', and 'keeping your head in the game'. It's the moment when the task is so complex, takes so much skill and is so challenging, that not only can the relative importance of 'winning' or 'losing' be forgotten, because it is irrelevant towards getting the task done, but also the awareness of the task being 'just a game' can be forgotten.
In a very real sense 'flow' is the experiential awareness equivalent of the 'suspension of disbelief' in storytelling. And raising the curtain of awareness on our interior focus can be ruinous for the task, because the task is so demanding even the least bit of focus it takes to say "I'm doing, I'm doing it!" distracts us, and suddenly we are not doing it.
Yet as readers, athletes, artists, and as humans frankly, we seek out this mode of consciousness intentionally because we know it's the one that can get done what 'needs' to get done within the 'given rules' of the task. And this is what reminds me of Schiller's concept of play, a bridge between the 'formal drive' and the 'sensual drive', between human need for limitations, definitions, rules, forms and regulations on one hand, and on the other hand the humanity's boundless creative energy, imagination, spirit and soul. Children at play understand the need for rules, but they also will easily ignore the rules when they get in the way of their creativity, their imagination, and the 'flow' experience of 'fun'. However if 'play' is a 'perfect balance' of form and spirit that results in the intensely focused, time and awareness losing, happy and 'playful' 'flow' of existence, it is extremely difficult to stay in this moment very long.
The ancient Greeks (and some eastern philosophies), however, maintained more conscious awareness; the Greek eudaimonia; 'living well' was living all of their life (not just a task or game, a few moments, here and there) in a manner equal to their individual humanity. Eudaimonia is being 'all that you can be' at whatever it is that you are, with all the virtue you possess. Thus not just those few moments of flow are required to 'live well', but the athlete (for example) must both in and out of the game and at all times strives to be the best athlete he can be, with all the goodness of humanity the athlete possesses.
The positive effect of a good game off the field has been well noted, but in addition I think one needs a certain amount of mental reflective space to appreciate an experience's meaning and significance. For instance, in longer term games and projects we may have shorter bursts of flow but not continuously, yet in a long term task it is precisely these reflective moments when we assess how we are doing that we feel retrospectively 'equal to the task' and feel happiest. In a long term project perfect 'flow happiness' is harder to achieve because the task has more variables to consider and reflect upon in order to evaluate how well one is doing. Thus creating a balanced awareness of how well we are doing is important, an awareness that does not detract from our focus but achieves adequate 'mental reflective happiness'.
Not that you won or lost – but how you played the Game. ~Grantland Rice
Life's a game. ~Common saying
I've already discussed how no one likes to feel as if they are playing a role in a relationship, but if life's a game in which we play for the high stakes of meaning and significance, then we're all playing a kind of 'role' already. It might then be more accurate to say we just don't like conscious awareness of playing a role in a relationship, because taking two roles on at once easily results in tension, stress, anxiety, conflicts of interest and other assorted dissonance. And if our 'primary role' is about life meaning and purpose, while the 'relationship role' is about relationship meaning and purpose, surely our primary role will have precedence as a matter of course, but the harmony of these two creates a happiness unparalleled in the game of life.
As a metaphor, as a symbol for incorporated conscious experience, the idea of life being a game reminds me of the ancient Greek concept of happiness as eudaimonia, 'living well' or 'being equal to the task', of Friedrich Schiller's idea of 'play' and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's concept of 'flow', but with the added variables of meaning, focus and awareness of experience.
'Flow', that moment of 'optimal experience', is probably most recognizable as a moment of complete focus on doing something; athletes experience it in sports, but so do chess players, artists, martial artists and musicians. Flow is being wholly 'in the moment', 'being on the ball', 'in the zone', 'in the groove', and 'keeping your head in the game'. It's the moment when the task is so complex, takes so much skill and is so challenging, that not only can the relative importance of 'winning' or 'losing' be forgotten, because it is irrelevant towards getting the task done, but also the awareness of the task being 'just a game' can be forgotten.
In a very real sense 'flow' is the experiential awareness equivalent of the 'suspension of disbelief' in storytelling. And raising the curtain of awareness on our interior focus can be ruinous for the task, because the task is so demanding even the least bit of focus it takes to say "I'm doing, I'm doing it!" distracts us, and suddenly we are not doing it.
Yet as readers, athletes, artists, and as humans frankly, we seek out this mode of consciousness intentionally because we know it's the one that can get done what 'needs' to get done within the 'given rules' of the task. And this is what reminds me of Schiller's concept of play, a bridge between the 'formal drive' and the 'sensual drive', between human need for limitations, definitions, rules, forms and regulations on one hand, and on the other hand the humanity's boundless creative energy, imagination, spirit and soul. Children at play understand the need for rules, but they also will easily ignore the rules when they get in the way of their creativity, their imagination, and the 'flow' experience of 'fun'. However if 'play' is a 'perfect balance' of form and spirit that results in the intensely focused, time and awareness losing, happy and 'playful' 'flow' of existence, it is extremely difficult to stay in this moment very long.
The ancient Greeks (and some eastern philosophies), however, maintained more conscious awareness; the Greek eudaimonia; 'living well' was living all of their life (not just a task or game, a few moments, here and there) in a manner equal to their individual humanity. Eudaimonia is being 'all that you can be' at whatever it is that you are, with all the virtue you possess. Thus not just those few moments of flow are required to 'live well', but the athlete (for example) must both in and out of the game and at all times strives to be the best athlete he can be, with all the goodness of humanity the athlete possesses.
The positive effect of a good game off the field has been well noted, but in addition I think one needs a certain amount of mental reflective space to appreciate an experience's meaning and significance. For instance, in longer term games and projects we may have shorter bursts of flow but not continuously, yet in a long term task it is precisely these reflective moments when we assess how we are doing that we feel retrospectively 'equal to the task' and feel happiest. In a long term project perfect 'flow happiness' is harder to achieve because the task has more variables to consider and reflect upon in order to evaluate how well one is doing. Thus creating a balanced awareness of how well we are doing is important, an awareness that does not detract from our focus but achieves adequate 'mental reflective happiness'.
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