Cheating at Meaning II

On the other hand, part of what has always irritated me (until recently) about 'people' is their lack of desire to pierce the veil* as it were, to push past the ignorance imposed on our consciousness, by our engrossment in either holding pattern amusement or basic biology survival and reproduction. I have always craved (serious, deep) meaning from the time I was twelve.

Twelve: I remember I was at school, looking out the window, thinking about how many people there were in all those blank looking houses, how many houses there were all over the neighborhood, the county, the state, the world, how many different things those people were doing, and how very much the same they all were; quite naturally I wondered what it all meant, where was the meaning, and what meaning might I have when I grew up.

Story: Perhaps this is why we like stories and storytelling so much, they amuse us (i.e. waste time in holding patterns) and bind us together (i.e. better bonds to survive by). They not only convey meaning, but do it on a myriad of levels: cultural, sociological, moral, religious – birth, life, family, victory, defeat, shame, pride, death, there's just no end to the meanings we can wrap into, tap into, a good story (or even a poor one). Anything this useful to our biological meaning matrix would never be discarded by evolution (if evolution had a will with which to discard) or by any ruling divinity.

I fear if I had the opportunity to attain such deep down meaning I would skirt the very borders of right and wrong in the attempt. This 'flexibility' is why I wonder and worry about my motives in investigating the numinous relationship experience.

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* I think (I could be wrong) the phrase "pierce the veil" is a reference to the Jewish temple holy seat, the literal place where God was believed to reside – again, the numinous and meaning.