Erotic Truth

I suppose a lifetime spent hiding one’s erotic truth could have a cummulative renunciatory effect.  Sexual shame is in itself a kind of death.  Ulysses, of course, was banned for many years by people who found its honesty obscene. ~ Alison Bechdel

Actually the material I’ve found most helpful hasn’t been online or even about female led life and culture. I think some of the best lessons from the social history of sexual repression are about the undeniability of an individual’s erotic truth. I didn’t manage to hide my female led epiphany from my wife for very long compared to what I’ve read in other places, but for me the dissonance between my inside and outside over just three months was horrific. Sure, I could have lied when my wife confronted me, but I was already looking to simply be honest, looking to examine and understand why my erotic truth was seeing and participating in my partner's attainment of her desire and pleasure. So even after initially coming clean with my wife, I’ve continued to try to explain and to pay close, honest attention.

While it is true I love it when her passion and desire is so intense she [bends me, demands me, insists me?] to her pleasure, even when her desire and passion is far less or about something passing, ephemeral or mundane, seeing her process of desire and obtainment has an erotic edge. Sexually or psychologically, metaphysically or mundane, it doesn’t matter. I love seeing inside her, seeing into her primal experience of desire, seeing how her desire, her most interior self, demands me and everything around her to her measure. It’s the way she loves, lives and desires; it's how she presses forward on her inside path toward her pleasure and personal good.

Female led relationships are mostly discussed in terms of dominance and submission, but ’power exchange’ is beside the main point for me, the occasional mere price I pay for the pleasure of seeing and loving her inside self as much as I can. I love her will to power more than her power over me. The point of letting her have the final word on the situations and circumstances of our life together is so she can do what she desires to do and I get to participate in her process of obtainment and pleasure as she makes herself happy. It’s like getting to safely stand next to the sun and revel in its glory. Who wouldn’t want to?