To Kink or Not to Kink

Speaking of watching my wants, kink is surprisingly not a question. On my list of wants to watch out for, it surprisingly doesn’t even rate. It’s surprising because ‘female domination’ and kink seem to go together so well with ‘female led,’ it’s like potatoes and gravy or peanut butter and jelly (and for some people it’s the same thing). Yet here it is: I am not particularly interested in bondage, anal play, water sports, forced male chastity or any of the rest of the mounting tactics of the wild human. My lack of interest in kink is half the reason I felt I had to start writing down my ideas - so I could have space to read and think without being constantly confronted with other people’s kink (or worse other people’s porn).

My favorite explicitly female led source is She Makes the Rules because they are tireless in pointing out female led relationships are a kind of category and so come in all kinds of varieties and there is no one right way to do it. While I defend the right of those who are kinky to be kinky, I think it says something that as a site about female led life and culture SMTR had to have a section dedicated to kink and that they have to moderate so well all the time. I admit I might be missing something by not being kinky, but I can’t help feeling sincerely thankful since I’m not sure I handle what I have well enough to handle more.

Anyway my point is, sometimes I wonder what the essential difference is between myself and the vanilla guy, or the kinky female led guy, other than that I apparently prefer potatoes and jelly. (Or is it gravy and peanut butter?) I just want my wife to be happy, actively happy, and so I want her to call whatever shots she wants to call for us and our lives together such that she is happy and actively so. And finding other adequate, non-kinky, female led expressions to help me do my best in this, well, that would be nice too.