The Soul of Porn

There’s no point in denying that porn is appealing, after all I’m a man and sex is appealing, period. But if my wife is the Sun, porn is Pluto.

I didn’t always have a sex positive attitude but I did when I quit my porn habit, and at the time my wife put her foot down I didn’t feel there was anything seriously wrong with porn. In fact, I still don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with porn per se, I'm happy for those who have no problem with it and I wish them the best. However there’s a good reason I quit, and quit cold turkey with no tricks, no gimmicks, no filters, no nannies, no oversight, just quit and permanently. I can’t even remember how long it’s been since because it’s something I rarely even think about anymore.

On one hand I was never really into “hardcore porn” in the first place, but what I did I rather thought was, well, ‘fun’. And yes, sex can be fun, perhaps even sex should have ‘entertainment’ value. Yet obviously sex can also be something more, something intimately shared with someone, a physical intimacy reflecting the love and respect you have for that person, a symbol showing the beauty, grace and soul of both your selves and your relationship.

This was probably something my wife knew without ever having to learn it, and though I wasn’t listening very well at first, I shortly made the brilliant realization that she was saying she knew what she wanted concerning sex in our relationship. Yes, well, that’s the first thing that put me on pause, I saw her desire for something here, and better yet she wanted me to participate in achieving her desire.

Of course, we know old habits die hard and porn has some addictive qualities, but you should also know my wife is smart. She made a bright line with very serious repercussions, no exceptions. This was the second thing that put me on pause, and with all the pausing I was doing I had time to finally realize what she already knew: porn is soulless. It is desire without spirit, release without freedom, sex without love.

I don’t believe everything we do in life has to have spirit, freedom and love, but I do seriously love my wife and when I listened to her about how she wanted our sexuality to be an intimacy shared only when with each other, she was making a lot of sense. So I made a choice way down in the center of myself, a simple choice really if difficult to make. Now, scientists’ decision the definition of ‘planet’ didn’t include Pluto took years to make, and at least I didn’t take that long to decide my wife was right: the solar system of our relationship has a soul, and one whose definition we’ve decided will now no longer include porn.