Empathy and Other (Female Led) Notes

First I should point out that while I have believed in the past that moving from a differentiated awareness 'back' to a compact awareness is nearly impossible, I was glaringly and obviously wrong. I myself managed to re-attune the differentiation of some parts of my worldview perspective to a more compact experiential mode by reattaching more essential, more emotional, more experiential, meaning to the existing symbols that worked for me and eliminating symbols that in their differentiation no longer held experiential meaning for me.

I think of the process as threefold: (1) realizing other ways of arranging my 'interior framework' existed (this was the difficult as it involved admitting 'previous mistakes'), (2) realizing I was able to rearrange my 'interior framework' (a difficult matter of self esteem and gumption), and (3) finding an 'interior framework' more congruent with more of my experience (i.e. congruent to both my reasoning capacity and my emotional compass, c.f. empathy below; this was difficult in its time consumption and demanding patience). However, the compacting movement can be made, and for the sake of increased meaning and significance should be done, and there are people who accomplish this (with varying degrees of success) all the time.

Contemporary society's academic aspirations are usually towards differentiation, yet there exists a large contemporary 'new age' trend 'back' towards a more holistic, and often mystical, compact worldview. Yet neither of these is better than the other, for regardless of this spectrum, the best thing is to have a worldview, a mental and spiritual framework, that adequately reflects all of your experience, including both your interior and exterior experience.

I have said in the past 'female led' relationships, like most relationships, defy any rigid categorization; while my (female led) relationship is based on love, romance and empathy, there is, of course, the kink for control sex bargaining female led relationship (see also here), and a myriad of intervening possibilities and combinations. I think it is the similarity of the external view, despite the widely varying internal differences, makes the female led symbol difficult to interpret in any singular manner.

I usually view female led relationships now as simply one kind of system (a catalyst) that works (for some people) at getting (back) and sustaining that transcendent magic and 'fire' of love and romance. Our relationship is far more 'centered on she' than that 'she leads me'; in many ways she's merely a higher ranked 'co-captain' on our ship. Yet when I think about 'female led' as "a particular, forced (and perhaps reinforced 'til engrained) or natural dynamic of empathetic interaction (with a very important feedback loop) that somehow maintains a transcendent love and romance that occasionally becomes erotic", (believe it or not) I still sense something not quite accurate enough for me.

For instance it seems easy to say the female led dynamic becomes erotic because of its effectiveness as a purveyor of romance and love symbols, but my experience is that sometimes the dynamic, the love symbol itself, is eroticized. And while this may simply be metastatic spillage, while one might explain such submissive 'surrogate bliss' (or 'sub space') as sublimation through semi-opaque symbols, one must hold the female led power dynamic as (comparatively overly) transparent for love yet simultaneously semi-opaque for another thing. It seems an overly complicated resolution.

Moreover, there is the experience of the fateful and predestined 'confluence of spiritual purpose' I describe above as being co-captains on the same 'spiritual boat'; surely this often happens to many people not in female led relationships, if perhaps to different degrees, and surely some of those people who journey together only do so for a brief time and later part ways. And while I believe we will be different based largely based on my experience, I think I missed something about the macroscopic, holistic, love-blind, accepting, perspective: empathy.

I already described how my newfound acceptance of other people is based on my newfound self-acceptance, but how I moved from self acceptance to human acceptance was through empathy. My wife empathetically values my freedom and so often does not want to tell me what to do, does not want me to change for her. I think a passion positive attitude is another application of empathy in response to everyone's need to obtain meaning and significance, because everyone is passion addicted.

I used to say I didn't care what other people thought and did, yet really I did care because I believed they were wrong about most things. Now when I say don't care what other people think and do (for the most part), it is because whatever it is may be functional for them and they may have (the pursuit of) happiness by it - and I hope it is so. I think the difference here is one of empathy for other people's positional experience in their life and the possible differences of life lessons people are destined (or fated) to learn; I realize not only that it is not my place to judge them, that I do not have the wherewithal to judge them right or wrong, but by empathy I am predisposed towards hope and belief that they are right, if only right for themselves.

I previously suggested some rather negative internal motivations for choosing a female led relationship (guilt, lack of self-esteem, dependency) and while I believe these motivations may exist for some people in (female led) relationships, yet do I continually survey the positive internal motivations, the erotic truth of spiritual co-captaincy. (And the final important point:) I think the difference between these is not only a clarity of the female led symbol to purvey love and respect (whatever actions this may entail), but also an intense attention to the interior compass, and just as I discovered my emotions could be a part of my internal compass needle, so also do I believe (female led) relationship empathy is a valid part of our (relation)ship's compass needle.

(And now what I think may be the next stop:) In the constant struggle to maintain loyalty, I wonder if I might be able to apply a(n) (empathetic) change of perspective (as I did with my interior, with society and other people and with my spouse) to anything I want in my life. (1) Know there are other ways of viewing a thing (or even a person?), (2) Know I am able to change the way I view that thing, and (3) find a perspective more congruent with my internal experience (all my internal experience).