Passion Connection

Last night my wife asked me if I thought my deep, uxorious, abiding and passionate love for her would ever stop (No), and how I could be so sure, after all even I admit a changing and dynamic mental framework is part of living life, surely there is the possibility the framework might change to reduce or even exclude this love or its features.

And this made me wonder (again) how much I am framed by my framework, how much my framework addicts me to the symbols I use and the behaviors I choose, how much of me is what I am by nature, how much of me is what I am by nurture. I have always been certain any meaningful answers to these kinds of questions are always a little bit of both, my uxorious character for example is likely a bit of both nature and nurture, yet I rather think now there is more to it than only these dichotomies.

There is always been reference to the je ne sais quoi about a woman, and I have seen and felt this, met and experienced its flavor about many women; yet there is something more I have only ever experienced with my wife. The very way she experiences life and the world about her draws me, pulls me, connects me not only to her but also again to more of myself; between us it is as if there were an integrated circuit made from the many different parts of our selves.

Of course, in a way this might be calling forth some unnecessary mystery around our human nature, or naming our nature by another name; after all it is easy to attribute these sorts of experiences to some scientistic evolutionary attunement to potential mating compatibility. Yet again, for me, such theories work well for things I do not sense, but they have little explanatory power over what I experience; and I, like everyone, need explanations in symbols I, and my mental framework, can understand. Even if I am simply discovering new worth within an otherwise previously known fact, the symbolized significance and meaning (to my experience anyway) is in no way diminished.

So yes, I believe all of us in our basic and essential selves have a transcendent awareness, more than consciousness, more than a mere solidity of self, but an ineffable meaning and significance brought about by our very existence. If we close our eyes and focus long enough we can find that center place of self, and occasionally we might glimpse it about another person, that je ne sais quoi.

Yet while my wife has her interior center sense self and I have my interior center sense of self, sometimes I do believe I do more then glimpse her interior center sense of self. It is as if I had her 'interior hand' between my two 'interior hands' and can feel the definition, shape, temperature and texture of her interior too, as if there is a connection between us but one external to both of us (cf. internal destiny and external fate). I don't believe such a connection comes by nature or by nurture, but I know it is more than I have ever experienced before in my life – and why I do not believe my deep, uxorious, abiding and passionate love for her will ever cease.