Quitting Or Winning

Often people believe getting older means settling for less in their relationships, yet I believe that same sense of settling may not be a quitting but a winning where it counts. We are quick to compare and see failure in our relationships before the perfect standard, yet few of us, possibly none of us, actually know anyone successful with this popularly held relationship ideal.

I think in our youth we found the bar already set too high for reality, and in looking for the 'perfect partner', the 'perfect relationship', we lost many opportunities to grow in other perfectly fitting and functional relationships. When we're a little older, we begin to realize 'what works works', with age we're more easily able to see what works, and we're less eager to restart functionality in a new relationship just to try to trading up, but we might also realize learning to live and love with what we have can be a puzzle with its own satisfactions.

Despite a high degree of relationship happiness and functionality, sometimes people want some specific kind, level or symbol of intimacy but discover it's something their partner isn’t able to give, or give easily, or well. Without trading in any of our well earned and learned symbol tools and functional intimacy, we might try channeling this unmet desire or try getting it piecemeal, but in either case we need not see this situation as relationship failure. We've only failed to recognize some standards are unattainable, or that it's perfectly acceptable not to reach the standards created only for aiming purposes. In relationships 'what works works', but as far as standards go perhaps we should remember 'what doesn’t work, doesn’t'.