I began thinking today perhaps I do not want her to 'lead me' so much as I want her to have 'final authority in our relationship', after all I do not feel so inadequate to life and the living of life as to 'need leading', or that she is so superior to me that she is able to make decisions for life my life better than I am able. Then I thought (again) it really has less to do with authority or leading so much as wanting her to be actively happy chasing her desire and passions, since if she were actively happy we would then be happy together because I know I am happy just to participate in the process of pursuing her happiness together.
And this led me to this (general) idea and theory of my particular uxorious erotic truth: I often saw my wife valuing individual freedom (hers or mine) over relationship concession or compromise, and valuing the individual pursuit of desire and passion (hers or mine) more than any compromised joint pursuit of desire and passion. While I myself continued (in general) to value passion and desire over individual freedom (or perhaps to value passion and desire as the primary reason for valuing freedom), I think I eventually learned to generally value and prioritize her freedom and desire over my freedom and desire in most things, to sublimate some gratification of my individual desire to the gratification of her desire. (I think this theory is at the border of having conscious explanatory power (and note here too) for me so I'm not sure quite what to think of it yet).
I wonder if neither of us want her to 'lead me' so much as to simply not have her individual freedom impinged upon by having our lives lived together, by having our desires living together, our passions alive together.
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[...] self-acceptance, but how I moved from self acceptance to human acceptance was through empathy. My wife empathetically values my freedom and so often does not want to tell me what to do, does not want me to change for her. I think a [...]
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