Symbols, even in their myriad constructions and usages, have a generally understood form, a generally agreed upon form, and miscommunications over definitions, denotations, syntax and connotations have straightforward solutions if the two parties who desire to communicate are attentive. But the variance of meaning among symbols and constructions to different people's interiors is a problem of pragmatic (mis)communication we often cannot solve. If someone believes you have given offense by some symbol or construction, there is often little you can do to convince them different, if you thought convincing them of anything was a good idea.
Ultimately reasoned thought and communication might get down to the truth of a matter, but reason and the process of differentiation isn't always valid for everyone's interior experience. And while we might make a person hear, we can’t make anyone listen, and we certainly can't make anyone use the same symbols we use in the same way we use them, and it's a compounded difficulty if differentiated concepts are falling on compact ears (or vice versa) no matter what symbols are used. So as frustrated as we may get (as I may get) and no matter what concepts we give (or how accurate our symbols), we cannot control what other people take to their interior from the exterior interchange of symbols.
Showing posts with label Insult. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Insult. Show all posts
January 4, 2010
January 3, 2010
To Confuse, Frustrate or Offend
'To offend' – (Latin 'to strike against' and so) 'to cause hurt (feelings), anger, irritation, resentment or displeasure'
'I'm not easily offended' - 'but' - I've always thought 'offend' implies intent to harm, and without intent to harm there is no offense, despite constructions such as 'his ignorance was offensive.' Indeed I rather think ignorance should never be offensive, and since I also believe most people intend harm out of their ignorance, I'm not only 'not easily offended' but I am rarely offended as well.
What I get is frustrated; I have never understood what it is about human nature that seeks to intentionally harm, to intentionally misuse and misrepresent, to be intentionally untrue. Of course I admit myself to all these things, but only out of fear for myself and mine, never out of harmful or malicious intent.
But the collapsing and compacting of 'harm felt' with 'harm intended' can sometimes interfere with effective communication. I do not always take care with my communication but when I do take especial time and effort to say what I mean I get frustrated by ineffective communication. Often people believe I mean more, or different, than I say; sometimes someone will hear only part of what I say, miss my point entirely, take offense where none was given, and (the worst by far) tells me what I mean by my words.
I understand people might sometimes feel offended, feel I mean something different than I mean, and I believe feelings are valid; what I do not understand is why people do not seek first to understand others as a solution to miscommunication, to confusion, to frustration, before taking offense.
'I'm not easily offended' - 'but' - I've always thought 'offend' implies intent to harm, and without intent to harm there is no offense, despite constructions such as 'his ignorance was offensive.' Indeed I rather think ignorance should never be offensive, and since I also believe most people intend harm out of their ignorance, I'm not only 'not easily offended' but I am rarely offended as well.
What I get is frustrated; I have never understood what it is about human nature that seeks to intentionally harm, to intentionally misuse and misrepresent, to be intentionally untrue. Of course I admit myself to all these things, but only out of fear for myself and mine, never out of harmful or malicious intent.
But the collapsing and compacting of 'harm felt' with 'harm intended' can sometimes interfere with effective communication. I do not always take care with my communication but when I do take especial time and effort to say what I mean I get frustrated by ineffective communication. Often people believe I mean more, or different, than I say; sometimes someone will hear only part of what I say, miss my point entirely, take offense where none was given, and (the worst by far) tells me what I mean by my words.
I understand people might sometimes feel offended, feel I mean something different than I mean, and I believe feelings are valid; what I do not understand is why people do not seek first to understand others as a solution to miscommunication, to confusion, to frustration, before taking offense.
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