The (Female Led) Relationship Balance

I think an essential problem for uxorious men is the tension involved in trying to interactively balance the pursuit of his (emotional) needs with putting her (emotional) needs first (see life lesson three), without the 'lie' of 'topping from the bottom'.

On one hand, we all know there is a fine line between 'helping my wife understand her options' and 'trying to get her to do what I want', a.k.a. the dread 'topping from the bottom'. Yet on the other hand, there is one very important reason (if not exactly a 'good' reason) why a man tops from the bottom: he's trying to get something he believes he needs.

Indeed the simple definition of 'topping from the bottom' (speaking to other uxorious men) is presenting your own wants/desires/needs as the best way and help for her to get what she wants and needs. It's trying to convince her she can best get hers by giving you yours, although at heart TFB is a kind of lie, because it's a (selfish) anti-intimate misrepresentation of one's motives (possibly intentionally, but not always) instead of a loving and intimate direct attempt at communicating one's perceived needs and desires.

However, (and this is key) everyone, even uxorious men have emotional needs (see life lesson one); my wife has valid emotional needs, and I have valid emotional needs. And there are some valid (positive, intimate, helpful) ways to pursue those needs in a (female led) relationship and there are not so valid (negative, anti-intimate, unhelpful) ways of pursuing those needs in a (female led) relationship. I think it is a good idea to say, 'I have a need' to your partner (and vice versa), although I admit it can be extremely difficult for any person to say, and the fear of rejection has a real basis in their partner's (hard or soft) limits.

Talking it through, communicating (talking and listening) however, also allows us to see things from the other perspective. Because I think an essential problem for dominant women is that there is some serious tension involved in trying to interactively balance the pursuit of her own (emotional) needs with ensuring he gets his (emotional) needs met too, without the 'lie' of 'topping from the bottom' ...