What Other People Do

Truly this might be titled 'Gendered Sex and Love Symbols pt 4' (part 1, part 2, part 3), for I think there what I've really been wondering about is why any couple achieves their level of compatible complicity in the use of the man's sexual energy, though what I found is that ultimately stereotypes are just too poor a place to begin thinking about anyone's interior relationship decisions. While clearly there have always been women willing to use a man's sexual energy to direct his attention where she wishes, and men willing to have their sexual energy thusly used, the matrix where a couple's interior variables come together is too complex for anything but guesswork and sociological survey statistics. Moreover, I now think why I want to understand people's interior process and this matrix of motives might be more valuable and worthwhile.

To be sure, I do want to understand how men and women might initiate female led relationships (actually any kind of relationship) more easily and of course with more frequent success, and I also want people already in (female led) relationships to learn how to have happier, healthier, stronger relationships. Yet underneath these somewhat altruistic desires I think I just want to know what other people do, and why they do it because I could use such information to strengthen my own relationship, use such information as a form of fuzzy map to move myself forward more precisely. I want to understand how my wife and I reached our level of compatible complicity and how to increase it and our intimacy, and our mutual self-respect, and our love and romance, and accentuate all the other positives, without falling prey to any negatives.

On one hand, I think when faced with a tough or new situation it's perfectly natural to ask what other people do in similar circumstances, but no one has ever collected statistics specifically germane to female led relationship and there is no general consensus, no 'top five ways for the female led to solve the top five female led problems'. And yet on the other hand even if there were (as there are for other relationships) I'm not sure where or when such 'merely informational help' might become the hindering crutch of a template, an obstacle of assumption to achieving the rewards two individual people enjoy when working these things out on their own instead of whole cloth resorting to other people's frameworks and philosophies.

Relationships, all relationships, are comprised of individuals (not statistics) who experience problems and then work together to discover choices and compromises that work for them and meet their individual needs. Thus not only is every (female led) relationship going to be different because people are different and interact differently, but because people experience and value things differently, at different times and in different ways.  The 'difference' from or 'similarity' to other couples' solutions isn't what makes their solutions work for them, it's the worth and value they have learned by their experience that makes their solutions work for them; and the value of a fact's worth learned from experience is not easily taught to another person without the engendering experience,  nor is it easily found in a (female led) relationship statistic.