Octopus Pride

I sometimes wrongly read the right symbols.

There are many things my wife doesn’t want to deal with and I have carte blanche to get the desired result any way I want. Of course with some things my wife isn’t even interested in the reasoning behind my way of doing it, she just wants it done her way. On these occasions, I sometimes I feel a blow to my pride, for without first understanding my way, it’s as though she already decided my way wasn’t valid, decided I’m invalid without first understanding me. It is a crime of extreme prejudice, and since perpetrated by the one who is supposed to love me most, a crime most heinous.

Or, perhaps I just want all my thoughts and ideas to have great value to her simply because they are my thoughts and ideas. I want her to value my opinions as much as she values me, so surely some inversion must also be true: the value she places on my opinion must be the value she places on me.

Of course, it’s all faulty logic and just not true. Everything you don’t understand is of lesser immediate value simply because you don’t understand it. We usually value the logic of own opinion before the unknown opinion of another. And when she has not the time or inclination to listen and compare ways and reasons, or if it’s an issue she feels too sensitive to leave to unknown logic, it is entirely understandable she would want me to do things her way, it’s the way she most confidently trusts.

In fact it may be the case that two people in a relationship both want their way to be the ‘default’ about the same thing. Then they have to communicate, negotiate, and work it out, but my wife and I have already done this, and (barring safety and some other important and obvious circumstances) we’ve already agreed our default is her way on anything she wants it.

So if I’m more than happy to do things her way, and pretty much whether or not my way and reasons get discussed at some other time, what’s the real problem here? Well, honestly, I think my way really is for her to stroke my ego a little before I go do it her way. I really just want it both ways at the same time, her to have it her way and me to have it my way.

Really she is giving me the right symbol and it’s nothing like a crime, quite the opposite: not only is doing things her way an expression and symbol of love that I use and understand, it’s one we’ve agreed upon. It’s just in the random appearance of octopus pride, I read the right symbol wrongly.